Music and Sex

A Songwriter's Guide to Seduction

Hansard is the somewhat scruffy Irishman who plays a Dublin street musician in Once, a low-budget film that attracted a devoted following and gushing reviews.

And now, an Oscar nomination. One of the songs in the film, "Falling Slowly," has been nominated in the Best Original Song category. The Academy Awards are scheduled for Feb. 24—if the writers' strike doesn't interfere.

"Falling Slowly" was written by Hansard and Marketa Irglova, his co-star and girlfriend who, like Hansard, is a musician, not an actor.

Hansard, lead singer of the band The Frames, was a natural onscreen, since the character was based in part on him.

He plays a "busker," a street musician, and she is a trained pianist too poor to own a piano. In this naturalistic musical, their singing is part of the story, not a bogus song-and-dance: He performs in the street; she plays piano in a store; and they join voices as the quietly moving romance progresses.

Their performance of "Falling Slowly" (which they'll sing, presumably, at the Oscars) is a pivotal moment in the film. He shows her the chords and sings a bit of it; she joins in on piano and begins to harmonize.

Hansard talked with MensHealth.com about the role of music in courtship.

In “Falling Slowly,” the opening words are “I don't know you, but I want you.” Is that a good line?

Singing it, everyone thinks you're sort of a deep poet. Whereas saying it, you're just a total creep.

How can a non-musician use music to help him with women?

The “mix tape” idea has been with every generation. Maybe in the old days it was books or whatever. I did it lots. One of the first things I ever did to impress a girl was buying Bowie Live. Buying her a record was such a smart move.

[With a mix tape] you're trying tell her all the things that you can't verbalize. A mix tape is all about saying exactly what you want to say without saying it. So you don't want anything that's too romantic on there. You want to put something on that's more mysterious with romantic overtones. But it isn't, like, Frank Sinatra. If you go for that, you're fooked.

Any suggestions for a mix CD?

You've gotta go in with a bit of Pixies. It's got to show your personality, too—it's gotta have a bit of Nick Drake on there. A bit insular, a bit outgoing. At the same time, you don't want to put any metal on there, because that's going to turn her off too. You've gotta put Van Morrison on there. Van is going to open all the doors for you. And you've got to put a bit of Leonard Cohen on, because you've got to show this lady that you're a thinker.

Did you get into music to get girls?

Who didn't? Actually, I got into music first of all out of a sincere love of it. My older brother was a fierce womanizer. He was a good-looking guy. Not that I'm not, but my brother was the handsome guy, which put me in the insecure bracket.

One of the girls I fell in love with in the neighborhood when I was a child was an American girl who had come to where we lived, a real working-class area. Gorgeous girl, I was totally in love with her. And I came home one day and found my brother  in bed with her. Which was devastating for me. I think after that I realized that I hadn't a fookin' chance. So I took up the guitar.

The funny thing about music is, I'd be lying to say I got into it just for women. But what I got into it for was some personal thing that was mine. Ultimately it probably does come down to women, when you think of all endeavors in life, whether it's poetry or painting.

We're all trying to find something, possibly to show it off. We're digging for gold, but we're digging for gold so people can see it. Or we can sell it.

How did music change things for you?

I learned how to play the guitar, and I found myself mixing with a bunch of people who were much older than me, which I really enjoyed as a kid. I remember my headmaster saying to me, “Look, you're a bright kid. You can tell me the track listings of  Street Legal by Bob Dylan, and you can tell me who played bass on Neil Young's Harvest, but you can't tell me the square root of 9.

“I really think you're kind of wasting your education here. So here's an experiment. Why don't you go into the center of Dublin, go busking. Take your instrument down there and start at the bottom rung of entertainment. Come back to me in a year, and if you still want to do school, I'll take you back. And if you don't, I'll be more than happy to see you go on your musical career.”

So I really excitedly jumped on the chance and learned a couple of songs. I remember I had Before the Flood, the live Bob Dylan album, and the version of “Just Like a Woman” on that record—I set myself a goal, it was just like homework: I had to learn how to sing “Just Like a Woman” like he does on that record. And if I could pull that off, I'd be able to do that street musician thing. And I did, and I managed it, and over a few weeks I taught my voice how to do that.

After that I never worried about romance again. It was one of those weird things. When I was a kid, I felt like my brother was Batman and I was Robin. I was doing all the work, whereas my brother was just wading in on his charm. And later on, I felt like, “Shit, I'm Batman.” I'm not the same kind of Batman, but I'm fooking Batman. And I've got songs  and I've got ideas.

The weirdest thing is, when you set your sights on something that isn't scoring a girl, or winning the female species, if you set your sights on something else, all of that stuff just comes to you. It's true—it comes because desperation has a very, very strong smell. If you're a guy who's chasing the ladies and that's your goal, then you're fooked, man. They know that shit, and they're nowhere near you. Whereas if you're relaxed and you know what you're doing, you're on a different path.