If you think you have a creative mind, wait till you hear what women are thinking about. "Act out my fantasy? It would be impossible," one woman told me. "I'd need a time machine and a guy with a 12-inch tongue." But it's fun to give her the opportunity to take the lead, especially when her fantasies involve things like tying you up and teasing you into exquisite oblivion.
I was surprised to find that nearly all the men I spoke with for He Comes Next had a fantasy of being dominated. I don't mean whips and chains—but simply letting a woman take charge. She's probably watched Sex and the City; give her a chance to turn some of that attitude into action.
"Exploring a fantasy is all about making a woman feel that she's not a freaky pervert for having them," Doug, 31, told me. "My wife is really into Paris and French culture, so I took her out for an amazing French dinner and then pulled out a book of erotica by Anais Nin later, when we were in bed. Let's just say Paris was burning."
The lesson: You're not the only one with fantasies. So encourage her to share hers. A study by the University of Vermont shows that nearly 25 percent of people feel guilty about their fantasies. No wonder it's so hard for us to talk about them.
I can also tell you, based on my clinical experience, that women need to be completely relaxed to enjoy sex. Brain scans of women during sexual arousal have shown that the areas of the brain that process fear, anxiety, and emotion nearly shut down. She needs to let go of anxiety to reach orgasm.
So do as the man above did—introduce a fantasy while she's deep in her comfort zone. You could have the best sex of your life.ead more.
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